Alone

“I had already found that it was not good to be alone, and so made companionship with what there was around me, sometimes with the universe and sometimes with my own insignificant self, but my camera’s and books were always my friends, let fail all else except the love I have for another.”

 

It is the early hours of the morning and sitting here I let my thoughts wander, sometimes this can be a good thing or it could throw me into waves of anxiety or depression.  For the most part, I enjoy these moments when all is quiet.  I find myself reflecting on the crises our world is facing.  There is no escape the news, the posts made from others on Facebook, websites and more all directed at what is happening in the world right now and it makes me sad and more than a little anxious.  I need to turn off the noise that is permeating my eyes and ears straight down into the growing tornado that is my closest companion, anxiety.

I care, I care too much, the sites that confront me on every platform of social media, and the news strikes me at my very core.  I want to scream out to the world, “LOOK AT YOURSELVES” but I remain silent, no one is listening anyway.

There are the suicides of those who cannot fight their demons anymore, there is the Pandemic and people ignoring the fact it is still out there and WILL strike again, and there is the protest, mostly by those who desire civil disobedience, I can taste the hate many have for the very people sworn to protect them.

I want the noise to stop.  I want to escape but for once my mind will not let me disassociate.  I am stuck here to watch the world fall apart.  I sneak back inside and take a peek at my wife to be.  She sleeps so peacefully.  She grounds me, she makes me feel safe in a world gone nuts.  The anxiety is replaced by a feeling of warmth that love brings.  Just standing there reminds me I am not alone.

 

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