I Have Fallen and Fallen Hard
Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses:- Ann Landers
There was a period there when I felt broken. I felt intense sadness and loneliness that went very deep. It wasn’t until some years later that I was told I was suffering PTSD, it was nice in some small way to find out what was affecting me but it did little to help the shame, the loss of self esteem, the loss of self and it certainly did not help me find something to which I could aspire to, life had lost it’s meaning, I had lost my meaning.
I am not one to believe in Fate. Our lives are not preordained, What we are offered however is a choice. You have choices along every single part of your journey, for it is only you and the decisions you make determines the outcome.
When I was in my early twenties, I met and fell in love with a beautiful, kind loving girl. My life was really just starting and the opportunities that fell before me was endless. Meeting Rita was magical. Sadly, I was to learn that decisions had been made for me and we parted. There was not one day thereafter that she did not cross my mind. I had loved only one other with the intensity that I loved Rita.
As life went on, things I had seen, done or experienced had such a negative impact on me that I had eventually come to the conclusion I was so broken, so emotionless that No woman would want me let alone for me to be able to love again.
Three years ago a short message popped up on Facebook, “Are you the David O’Neil I once knew?” I ignored it at first but when I did finally look at the sender’s profile I saw the same woman I had once loved and I admit my heart did a little bounce. We met up for coffee soon after that and it was like I still knew her. We started dating again and our love rekindled has last so far for three years. I am feeling things again I thought I never would and to find out we both desire to spend the rest of our lives together has given me purpose, and a reason to live again.
I love this woman with all my heart to count the ways why would take forever. Rita has saved my life. Her kind, caring, loving and tender ways give me strength and courage to fight.
On Friday the 5th July with the help of some very generous, and willing, friends, I got down on one knee and proposed to Rita. The smile on her face, the sparkle in her eyes and with no hesitation whatsoever, she said yes.
Since Friday I feel like I am walking on air. I reckon I’m very bloody well blessed.