Would you read my book?

Occasionally I’ll watch a movie and it will give me something to ponder. I can be a deep thinker at times, I don’t think this is a bad thing, it’s just a part of me.

I must have watched the movie Groundhog Day at least 14 times and I never get tired of it. It’s funny and to me, thought provoking. Like the main character in the movie where he’s forced to live the same day over and over again, sometimes our lives can be like that. Each day can be the same and many of us never experience those things that really matter like adventure, life, friends and love.

For most, the day is the same, get up, go to work, come home, fall asleep in front of the TV or something very similar.

I used to be adventurous, life was something to be explored, experience, devoured and enjoyed. The saying, we are only here for a short time is so true. Well my life changed and I found myself far from the man I once was.

I used to be loud, but not obnoxious, always bouncing from one place to the other, able to talk the leg off a chair. It’s funny how pain and your demons can change a man, destroy his outlook on life and change his personality and sadly not always for the better.

I’m a very complex person at the best of times. Please don’t misunderstand me, this isn’t a bad thing and I’ve always been the type of person you have to know for a while – to get to know, much like an onion.

I’m slowly starting to try and live life again, experience it as I used to and my fear of losing those I care about is something I am dealing with because for a while there, I was keeping people at bay but I was getting lonely, like the guy in Groundhog Day, I was forcing myself to live the same day over and over again.

People are helping me to out of my shell and along the way.  I’ve made some fantastic friends, and a love, who in some way have helped me or shown me that life is worth living.

I was in a dark place and forgot about what really matters, to me. I don’t know how long I’ll be on this earth but I am damn sure that now,  I am going to experience everything I can before my tickets called.

Men aren’t supposed to express their feelings openly but these bogs help me to gather my thoughts and if someone enjoys reading them, all the better. I’m not a bloody metro male or a SNAG but I have to let things out in case they burn me inside.

Do you know what I love about life? Not knowing what each day may bring. Knowing that whatever I do will impact on what happens. I don’t believe we have a preordained life all mapped out for us by some great power from the day we are born. I do however believe that there is a road we must travel, the road never changes but along the way we are offered crossroads which may take us in a different direction yet eventually bringing us back to the initial path we started on, maybe wiser, maybe happier or maybe not but along the way the choice is ours and ours alone.

I am a very independent person and don’t need anyone in my life to survive or enjoy it but to have someone special, again, would complement the entire experience. To have someone to share my life with would be a wonderful gift, and to be able to share theirs is something I do miss, but I have now found her and together we can share our lives, and struggles, with each other.

Some time back I found someone who showed me that life is exciting and to be lived to the fullest. This person has energy and a very bubbly personality, just to watch her bounce from one thing to another was making me tired. This person is respected because she loves what she does and she makes others feel like they matter. An amazing person indeed.

There are a few other people I call close friends who without, I would be much poorer.

Those who find out are surprised that I am also a poet, writer, hopeless romantic and thinker. I hide these things from others because I also enjoy being frivolous, a joker, insane and loud. If you put something in front of me I’ll want to know what makes it tick but sometimes you just have to accept that things are what they are and no matter how close you look – they will still not make sense but that’s ok because that makes life all the more interesting.

I’m like a book. My cover might be worn, the first few pages of the story dull but you need to read on to discover that it might just be something you can’t put down.

I have met someone who doesn’t mind reading a few dull pages and maybe inside she will find something, a story that she can relate to, someone who will treasure the book, maybe even add pages to it, someone who, with a little care, can revive the cover.

I have never been one to live the same day, over and over again and I never will and no matter what happens, be me alone or with someone special, I will always find something that excites, interests, compels, awakens and incites me.

I don’t know what you will think when you read this but I do know that I don’t want to hide the real me, I’ve never been good at it and I see no reason too.

To Rita – don’t go past that book, pick me up, read me from cover to cover, slowly, each page is a new discovery on who I am and where I have been and then add your own pages, enhance my story with that of your own – who knows, we might just have a best seller.

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